Hedgehog Apocalypse

The Mayans were wrong, we see that now. Deep down we always knew it. The reason we knew, despite all the hoopla, that the world would not end by Zombies on December 21st, 2012, is that we know a deeper truth.
The world will end by Hedgehogs.

First, it’s of crucial import that we not try to fight it. Once a hedgehog has tasted blood, there is no deterring him (or her). (S)he will have you in his/her clutches. (S)he will chase you to the end of his/her choke chain, then burrow under the wrought iron of his/her hedgehog slop pen.

(Just an aside– Has anyone else noticed how buggardly effortful it is to try to speak in non-offensive, gender-neutral hedgehog terminology? Let’s just assume all evil hedgehogs are male, okay? No offense, guys.)

Sorry, where was I?
Oh, yeah. Hedgehogs…

So yeah, just give it up. Turn yourself in. Soon enough the hedgehogs of the world will be basking in the glow of utter destruction. Maybe they’ll have a party with the zombies and roaches, because I hear those things are bloody indestructible.

In light of the upcoming Hedgehog Apocalypse, I’m going to need some volunteers. Just a few people willing to nominate a hero of the Hedgehog Apocalypse.

I will begin by suggesting Channing Tatum, who remains both down to earth and ridiculously hot, and who often begins his morning by leaping off the second story balcony of his home into a swimming pool. Plus he’s a dog owner, and adores his wife.
That’s the kind of guy I want fighting hedgehogs.

So, hit me up with your nomination. Be sure to tell me why you’re nominating him (or her) and what (s)he can do for the Hedgehog Resistance. Then tweet about this post! (Cue me @CecilyWhite so I know you did!)
If, at the end of this week, I choose your nominee as the official Hedgehog Apocalypse Hero(ine), YOU will be given the honor of (psychically) predicting the date of the upcoming Hedgehog Apocalypse. It’s a huge honor. Trust me.
Plus you’ll get a $5 gift card to Starbucks!
(Feel free to discuss the nominees in the comments section. Public opinion will be considered.)

So go.
Starting… NOW!

Then go visit my guest post on Kate Evangelista’s blog for more about hedghogs and FREE STUFF from me!!!




  1. I nominate Jensen Ackles because he’s already fought demons galore and countless other beasties. What are a few rogue hedgehogs to him? Nothing I say. Plus he’s ridiculously good-looking. He’s my man…I mean your man…I mean…yeah.

    • May I just say, never have I hit the “APPROVE” button as vigorously as I did for Jensen Ackles. I would happily hit it again. And again.

  2. I’m going a little off the wall here, but what the heck, it’s hedgehogs. Robin Williams. They will be so confused by his off the wall humor, they will not remember what they were supposed to be doing. And once they get his joke, they will be rolling around laughing so hard that it will be easy to cut their heads off.

  3. Well, if they’re chocolate hedgehogs, I won’t mind. Especially if Channing feeds them to me 😉

  4. Okay. I’ve finally come up with my hero(es). Chris Hemsworth, Mark Ruffalo, RDJ, Chris Evans, and Jeremy Renner. And maybe Samuel L. Jackson. After all, they’re a team, right? That’s like one hero. 😀 (We can leave Scarlett at home. I don’t want to share.) The reason? Do I really need one? I mean, it’s the Avengers. ‘Nuff said.

    • I agree with all of them, except I would add Scarlett to the cause. Not that I swing that way, mind you, but if I did….
      Just sayin.’


  5. I nominate Daniel Craig. He can outwit them with his 007 charm and if that doesn’t work, he can either kick the shit out of them or take them out with precision shots.

  6. Love Wanda’s Robin Williams suggestion! Genius!

    I’m thinking Hugh Jackman. He can sing to the hedgehogs, lulling them into a false sense of security, he can dance, thus nimbly avoiding their sharp little teeth, and he has adamanium claws (oh yes, of course he does, for reals). And, yeah, adores his wife and kids and seems like an honest to goodness mensch. Also, easy on the eyes doesn’t hurt.

    Or maybe that boy from Life of Pi. Kid has SERIOUS survival skillz. I realize hedgehogs are a far greater challenge than a Bengal tiger, but I bet he can rise to the occasion.

    (No Starbucks card for me, though. Coffee and I don’t get along.)

  7. I’m going to echo Noelle and nominate Chris Hemsworth. Whether he’s in a Star Trek uniform or Thor armor, I’d definitely watch that Aussie battle hedgehogs.

  8. My nomination is Hugh Jackman. Multi-talented and a great family man.

  9. Nope, it’s Richard Armitage. He can wipe out Crusaders and Ogres and Orks and still melt you with those beautiful, tortured blue eyes. Sexiest 6 foot 2 inch Dwarf alive.

  10. I think Jeremy Renner – Hawk Eye and Bourne – how could we go wrong? Plus, I’d follow him anywhere and everywhere. Hedgehogs of the world unite!!

  11. I just nominated you for a Liebster Award. Come to my blog to see what it’s all about. http://sdkeeling.com/

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